"Wanted", A Minister's Wife
At length we have settled a pastor-
I am sure I cannot tell why
The people should grow so restless,
Or candidates grow so shy.
But after two years' searching
For the "smartest" man in the land,
In a fit of desperation
We took the nearest at hand.
And really he answers nicely
To "fill the gap," you know,
To "run the machine" and "bring up arrears,"
And make things generally go.
He has a few little failings,
'His sermons are commonplace quite,
But his manner is very charming,
And his teeth are pearly white.
And, so of all the "dear people,"
Not one in a hundred complains,
For beauty and grace of manner
Are so much better than brains;
But the parish have all concluded
He needs a partner for life,
To shine, a gem, in the parlor:
"Wanted-a minister's wife!"
Wanted-a perfect lady,
Delicate, gentle, refined,
With every beauty of person,
And every endowment of mind,
Fitted by early culture
To move in fashionable life-
Please notice out advertisement:
"Wanted-a minister's wife!"
Wanted-a thoroughbred worker,
She well to her household looks,
(Shall we see our money wasted
By extravagant Irish cooks?)
Who cuts the daily expenses
With economy sharp as a knife,
And washes and scrubs in the kitchen-
"Wanted-a minister's wife!"
A "very domestic person,"
To callers she must not be "out";
It has such a bad appearance
For her to be gadding about-
Only to visit the parish
Every day of her life
And attend the funerals and weddings-
"Wanted-a minister's wife!"
To conduct the "ladies meetings,"
The "sewing circle" attend,
And when we have work for the soldiers
Her ready assistance to lend:
To clothe the destitue children,
Where sorrow and want are rife;
To hunt up Sunday-school scholars
"Wanted-a minister's wife!"
Careful to entertain strangers,
Traveling agents and "such,"
Of these kind of "angels'" visits
The deacons have had so much
As to prove a perfect nuisance,
And hope these "plagues of their life"
Can soon be sent to the parson's-
"Wanted-a minister's wife!"
A perfect pattern of prudence
To all others, spending less,
But never disgracing the parish
By looking shabby in dress.
Playing the organ on Sunday
Would aid in our laudable strife
To save the society's money-
"Wanted-a minister's wife!"
And when we have found the person;
We hope, by working the two,
To lift our debt and build a new church-
Then we shall know what to do;
For they will be worn and wary,
Needing a change of life,
And so we'll advertise, "Wanted,
A minister and his wife!"
-Unknown
Now my husband happens to currently serve in a very loving and gracious church that accepts us as we are but we have experienced these types of expectations (usually from individuals) on many occasions. And we know of many similar stories from other minister's that this poem is pretty much on the mark. But the poem is a good way to have a laugh at a sometimes depressing reality.
